What to think about?

Today was just one of those days.  We began the morning with our school lesson.  We learned about the parts of the sun and the phases of the moon.  We conjugated our first conjugation pluperfect tense in Latin, we sang our timeline starting with Byzantine Emperor Justinian.  We worked on our addition and subtraction, multiplication and division families and we copied our spelling words.  It took me all of three to four hours to get it all done with them.  Things flowed in a timely and smooth manner.  And for this I am grateful.  My kids are learning.  They are learning far more than what I ever did and all without even pushing them too hard.  They play their violins, their tin whistles, my girls have learned to crochet.  Leo can write his name (he’s four).  Anya is reading quicker and learner special sounds (she’s my visual learner), and Grace is whizzing her math facts.  I’m not sure how we’ve gotten here.  I remember holding my oldest as a baby and the thought of schooling her seemed so far in the distance that I hardly bothered to really think about how I would approach it.  Now we are in it full force.  Leo will be in Kindergarten next year and that will put me with three kids in school at once.  I used to have anxiety over it.  I used to fret and wonder how in the world do you school multiple subjects and multiple grades AT. THE.SAME.TIME?!  We read together, for Grace sometimes it’s review for her (can never do any harm) then the others can quietly work on a particular worksheet or coloring project while I steal away to give Grace her more in depth study.  Somehow I’m doing it.  And really…it’s just taking one step at a time.  One foot in front of the other.  You basically walk around with blinders on…don’t compare yourself to what others are doing or teaching their kids, don’t think too far in to the future as to what your schedule should be or the timeline you should be on.  Are they getting it? Great, schools finished…if not…take a break and come back to it.  It’s really just as simple as that.  Not saying every day is a walk in the park. Sometimes I want to scream!  But again, today was just one of those days.

One of those days where I felt good about life on my own.  I say that in jest…I’m not really “on my own” as I have a wonderful family and support system at the ready.  But my husband is absent a lot.  Not because he chooses to be, just simply his hours are long and grueling.  It was one of those days that I didn’t want to rebel against the system and swear I’d call my husband’s manager and tell him what I think for real…(ever feel like doing that?).  Yet my poor husband comes home tired, weary, worn out, sick and running a fever.  He managed to actually eat dinner with us (a later dinner because I was struggling to get it all cooked with a whiny and cranky toddler hanging on me), prayed with the kids to tuck them in, and changed Tobias’s diaper.  It’s these little tasks where I look at him and think, superman.  “Thanks so much for changing his diaper, you didn’t have to!”  I bring him some cough syrup and he climbs into bed.  Thankful, yet always prayerful that somehow this will get better.  That somehow he won’t always be so run down.  That somehow he’ll have more time with the kids.  That magically maybe we’ll have a holiday season that is joyful and restful.  And I just have to keep thinking those positive hopes.  Because that’s what they are.  Hope.

I think we, the wives, have to choose to think on the good.  Really. (Not saying I always do because most of the time I don’t).  What happens when we dwell on the negative?  It starts to permeate everything.  I’m grumpy, now I’m annoyed the kids are noisy.  I’m irritable, so now I’m not thankful for the time I do have, and the things I am able to do.  I’m lonely, so now I want to run and hide in a hole and weep a deep sorrowful pity party.    A singer I love said it so well,  “Did you really have a bad day?  Or did you just have a bad five minutes and then milked it for the rest of the day?”  Thanks Toby Mac.  Speaking life into my heart.  Most of the time…that one thought…that one task that went wrong…someone was rude to you…what ever it was…we dwell on things.  We shouldn’t.  Let me leave it at this:  “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  Philippians 4:8

The End.

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